Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
