Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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