UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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