Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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