i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
