Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
