I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
