i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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