I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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