Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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