You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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