Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
