Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
