so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
