I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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