piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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