He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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