I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
