Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
