You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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