I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
