I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
