O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
