Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
