When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
