I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
