This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
