I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
