dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
