I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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