Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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