His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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