I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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