Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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