Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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