i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
