Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
