Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
