i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
