so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
