I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
