She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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