It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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