onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
