She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
