i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
