Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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