You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Randomize
