Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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