btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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