The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
