'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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