Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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