You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
