when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
