I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
