I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
